What Does My Soul Look Like?

I like the little quizzes you get at team building sessions because they sometimes cause you to think about some part of yourself you hadn’t given much thought to, but they also sometimes ask you to share something with the group. One of my favorite questions is “Tell us one thing that people might not know about you.” I have lived my life like an open book, even before blogs and Facebook allowed me to share my ridiculousness with the world. One thing I’ve always said is I will answer any question you ask honestly. You had just better be prepared to hear it!

I’m not sharing any deep dark secrets, here. Well, not in this blog post anyway.

There are a few really close friends out there that know me fairly well. I may be an open book, but I’m not very social, so reading this book is rare. One thing people might not know about me is that my favorite music genre is Hip-Hop. When I say that, I always want to clarify and say that it is NOT rap, although I do like good rap every now and then. True, good hip-hop from DJ Krush, DJ Shadow, Common (years ago he called himself Common Sense), RJD2 (from Whetstone High School here in Columbus), Mos Def, Talib Kweli, and the like. I like music that incorporates a turn table and vinyl. I like to hear the scratch of the needle on the record as the DJs hand pushes and pulls it using all their techniques (or Technics). Hip hop uses samples, rhythms, vocals, and instruments from all genres. It embraces everything.

This morning I was doing my morning yoga practice along with the music genetically chosen by Pandora on my DJ Krush station. My yoga style is Hatha but more intuitive and goes with what my body needs at that moment. Due to the grey weather and pookieness I’m feeling this holiday, I decided that allowing my body to do what it felt was fun would help my mood. Yoga for me nourishes my body, mind and spirit. It’s not a thing I do at the gym with 30 other women trying to drown myself in my own sweat in order to feel like I’ve accomplished something. That’s what running is for! Yoga is a moving meditation for me. Funny, every time I type that, I accidentally type “medication” instead of “meditation”. I think both words work, here.

I do plan on running about 3 miles today, because it’s on my calendar to do so, and my calendar is my slave driver. After I finished my yoga practice, though, I felt like writing. My plan has been to write something Christmasy today and then give an update on the visit with my mother tomorrow. My plan is still to write something Christmasy, it has just morphed into something else, just the way I like it. Everything happens for a reason. Go with the flow but be aware of the rocks and branches that might be in your path. Be flexible enough to take a breath and then ease your way over, around or under those things. Use them to your advantage, you never know what you’ll find or see.

As I was getting myself set up to write this post, and importing the picture I wanted to share, I noticed the track that was playing on Pandora. It was DJ Shadow. “What Does Your Soul Look Like.” Funny thing, I’m pretty sure my soul looks like this:

This picture has always made me laugh. I’m mean, where do you begin?!

First of all, the numbers at the bottom of the photo along with Santa’s creepy face make me feel like this is a prison photo. “Heeeey leetle gurl. Seet on mai lap. Heh heh heh. ~cough~ I mean, Ho Ho Ho.” Where did my mother find this guy?!

Probably Lazarus.

At the bottom left hand of the photo is a sad little teddy bear looking all dejected that he isn’t needed right now. Believe me, Bear, I’d much rather be hugging you right now than sitting on this dirty old man’s lap.

I will say that his mustache and beard are rather convincing looking, but then, this was about 30 years ago. Back then it might have been socially acceptable to use real Santa hair in the damned thing. These days we’re about synthetics, man. Although his beard looks real, it probably isn’t. What is real is that bright red nose and cheeks. Drink much today, Santa? Can’t fault him too much. You might know my stance on children. I’d drink to get through the day, too. Or. I’d just get a different seasonal job. Elves are supposed to be assholes, so that would be right up my alley.

Now to the Little Burg. That face says it all. Yes, Burg, there is a Santa, but this isn’t it. I got that half cocked smile from my Grandmother. My half-smile. My social face. I’ve been making that face for years, it seems. If you see this face at the bar, you know I was forced to be in public. My face is just saying, “Ok, mom. Sure. But, This guy?!” Even then I wasn’t convinced. Not about Santa in general, because I still believe in Santa, but I mean about this creep. And I couldn’t even see his little squinty eyes peering at me sideways. You may be able to tell that even at a young age, I was able to cock my eyebrow. Yup, Santa, I’m giving you the eyebrow.

Also notice my little left hand all squished into my ribs like T-Rex there. What that tells me is that I didn’t even try to wrap my arm around this creep in a half-ass hug. It’s the one armed side hug, thing. What do you do with your inside arm? I’ll tell you what you do, give yourself the other half of this hug. At least you know some part of this isn’t lecherous.

So, Yes, DJ Shadow, this IS what my soul looks like. Just like this. Hilarious, unsure but going for it anyway, in a blue dress (?!), sorta smiling, not crying (at least not on the outside), playing along but maintaining my own, going with the flow. Little Burg, you are funny. What a gal.

You know what these stupid Santa stands need to do? They need to take a simultaneous picture of the parents watching. I would give $1000 dollars to know what my mother (and possibly grandmother) were doing right then. Laughing hysterically, is my guess. Those two were always laughing at something. And right now, if I were them, I would have had snot running out both nostrils. You can almost see in my face that I must be looking at a mother that was laughing.

Thanks, mom.